Tic

On a dark grey night I changed my mind:
It wasn't worth it anymore to be
Locked inside myself. I had to find
Other and better ways to think. For me
Visiting that inner place was something rare;
Even in dreams I didn't often go.
Despair was a strong motivator, though;
Here and there it almost made me care.
Each time that I despaired I then resolved
Really intending to have changed my life
Only to find that nothing had been solved
Neither by resolution nor by knife.
Change is not easy. But that night I changed:
Except the parts that can't be rearranged.