Because I have a lengthy back list of sonnets, I think it's time to move through them a little more quickly than I have been. Particularly, since I'm trying to move randomly through various periods of my previous work, rather than simply chronologically, I think it's valuable to put sonnets from different periods up close to each other. So without further ado:
Sometimes you want a friend, sometimes you don't;
I never quite know what you need from me.
Sometimes you'll open up, sometimes you won't;
I try to help you, be there patiently,
But also let you have your space. I know
Enough about you that I want to be
Your friend, however you want me to show
That friendship. I admit I cannot see
The future, and I don't know if someday
We will lose touch; or if you, finally
Will realize you don't need me and say
You'd rather we were friendly distantly.
But I'll say this; as this year nears its end
I'm very glad that you have been my friend.
What Went Wrong:
I am not quite sure where to put this observation, so I'll front it: this poem has a lot of enjambment (that itself is not a problem). But it specifically has a couple lines that fall into a trap I often fall into, which I cannot decide whether I like or not, which is that I tend to make either the first or last foot completely distinct from the other four. So there are lines like "But also let you have your space. I know" or "Your friend, however you want me to show," with strong breaks after the first or before the last foot. I'm not really sure how effective that style is; on the one hand it represents strong enjambment, which can be a very positive thing because it ties lines closely together, but on the other hand it breaks the fundamental unit of the line at an awkward place, and when they are run together it can look like the entire poem is simply two syllables off from where it naturally wants to be (which of course could be a desired effect, but honestly usually isn't in my sonnets). I'm also unsure here about the mirror between the first and third lines; it gets the (cheap) don't/won't rhyme and hammers it home, the lines are good meter, and the sentiment is crucial to the poem, but it feels like a cop-out. The couplet also feels a little flat; I don't think most of the syllables in this poem are wasted, but those that are are in phrases like "this year nears its end/I'm very glad that you have been my friend." Finally, the reuse of the -ee rhyme (me/patiently, be/see, and finally/distantly) seems a little sloppy; although its appearance in every quatrain does do some good work tying the poem's first twelve lines together.
Not Too Shabby:
Overall I think this poem fits the label directly above pretty spot on: not my best poem, but not too shabby. As noted above, before the couplet I'm actually very happy with the syllable usage, as not much seems wasted. It could almost read like prose, except that it happens to hit the meter and rhyme very well as well, and the line breaks are, I think effective. I really like the wording "you'd rather we were friendly distantly," and whatever may be said about the wording of the couplet (as above), the slight turn it effects is one I really both enjoy and think works in the context of the poem. I'm also happy with the caesuras, which fall irregularly within the line but are fairly strong, an effect I don't usually manage to create, but one which here I think emphasizes the way the narrator is describing being pulled in two directions at once. Other than the couplet, I have very few actual problems with this sonnet, and it manages to convey exactly what it wants to (or at least I think it does), so I would call it, as above, not too shabby on the whole.
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