Two Ways

They're splitting Fourth Street so it goes two ways;

Third Street was undone the same way too.

The yellow marks are down; the lights ready to raise 

To blink from red to green on something new.

As if the city didn't have, already,

A pair of streets to take the traffic through:

Consistent, simple, wide, and ever-steady

Prepared to take you where you want them to.

From two streets, each contributing its whole,

We have created four lanes recombined

A stitched-together pair without a soul

Unnatural to how they were designed.

Yet on the street, despite how it looks strange

I have to say: it's better for the change.

Incandescence

The paradox of caring is the anger

The all-consuming fury that returns

Like aircraft taxiing back to the hangar

When what you care about is disrespected. Turns

Out that caring for what others don't is rough:

Especially when they pretend to care.

Pretensions uttered merely off-the-cuff

Prove, when the planes are flying, fully bare.

It is misfortune to believe sincerely;

A tragedy to mean the things you say.

For truer calm, you ought to mouth words merely

And let the thoughts behind them float away.

Yet I cannot renounce my care for leisure

As caring is a calling beyond measure.

Flying Saucer

If someone should descend out of the sky

And lecture us on what we ought to do

With careful reasons postulating why

Our current situation will not do;

If someone were to ride a trail of fire

Into the heavens, and come down to say

That our incessant pressure to acquire 

Has made the bed in which we now must lay;

If someone were to land, and to inform us

Of all the ways that we have wrecked our shit--

Attempt to redirect us, and to warn us

Of how our world is digging its own pit

I do not think we'd listen. Why would we?

There's proof already, if our eyes could see.

You do their work, and they shall have good luck

 If I were luckier than I have been

(Which is already lucky, I should say)

I have a premonition I would win

The lottery, and play it every day.

If I were fortunate (and so I am)

In ways exceeding what's already true

The government would think my luck a sham

Investigating everything I'd do.

So it is lucky, in an inverse sense,

That I do not possess eternal luck;

For in this world the only recompense

Of high good fortune is that fortunes suck:

We do not trust a good thing coming often

It's only for the outliers we soften.

Daedalus

For centuries we could but dream of flying

With waxen wings that melted in the sun;

A hopeful youth, enraptured and then dying:

Pursuing freedom, and by it undone.

Then through hard work we made our wings of steel

And strapped them to huge motors to ascend;

No more a myth: a fantasy made real,

The full achievement of the longed-for end.

Then, being human, we could never rest

On the achievement of a miracle:

We took the triumph of this ancient quest

That turned what was fantastic to empirical 

And made it awful (as we use the word):

Uncomfortable, unpleasant, and absurd.

Classroom Experiment

The sky is screaming over each sunset,

Complaining that the purple is too much;

Sinking into the sea, the sun is wet,

Contaminated by its liquid touch.

The empty stars illuminate the scene

As night descends and darkens as it does;

The orange has faded out of Halloween

And all is watered-down from what it was.

Tomorrow, not today, the sun will fill

And burn again into its watery grave;

The orange and purple of its pained plunge will

Once more wash over every winking wave.

For now, the night commands the silent sea

But we remember how the day will be.

Ekphrasis in a Nursery

The Jesus on the wall can read a book

(A tech but little known when he was living);

I doubt that most would give a second look

To see the lesson that this Christ is giving,

But I am cursed to wonder if he reads

More slowly from a codex than a scroll

And if, when his stigmata slowly bleeds,

It stains the pages. This then takes a toll

On my imagination of the scene:

The children being read to would then see

The spreading red, and ask what it could mean

And contemplate his remortality

And Jesus, seemingly returned and preaching 

Would wonder if they'd heard what he was teaching.

Song of Myself

I contradict, but not like Whitman did.

I am not large, except in belly size.

Within my soul no multitudes are hid.

I contradict myself--am sometimes wise,

Sometimes a fool, always a human being--

Because I cannot keep my own thoughts straight.

If God exists, all knowing and all seeing,

Immense and awesome, immeasurably great,

To them my thoughts would be no awful tangle:

In their dimension all would be quite clear.

But I, mere mortal, have no holy angle

To disambiguate my hope and fear.

I contradict myself, and therefore suffer

Like any other simple, honest duffer.

Haze

The sun hangs lower in the sky today

Than I recall it hung a year ago.

The clouds obscure it with their tired gray;

Perhaps that's why it now appears so low.

Or maybe I have moved without my knowing

To some exotic and more northern clime

Where even summer sun is not caught showing

Its face above the hills, and cannot climb.

Perhaps today, just once (or now, forever),

I'm just a little taller than I was

Lifted above the sun by my own lever.

Or maybe it seems lower now because 

I am a little sadder, and the sky 

Responds to how I feel, and won't ask why.

Sun

The dog has found a sunbeam, where

She doesn't worry about life.

She seems to lack a single care,

Forgetting hunger, pain, or strife.

She sits and lounges her limbs out

Her belly flat against the floor

Her tail still flipping roundabout

And slapping carpet more and more.

She's ceased to pant; her tongue is still;

Her eyes are closed in ecstacy;

She loves the sun and drinks her fill

As comfortable as she can be

Until her awful owner shuts

The curtain. Oh, she hates my guts.

Canals

My love is like a mighty river's flow

That runs on unimpeded to the sea;

My love is like the current, great but slow,

Imposing in its own immensity.

My love is like the flood that, when it rains,

Expands the river out of its known course

And though it may cause unexpected pains

Will irrigate the land with its great force.

My love is like meanders that swing wide

And circle back to its first course again;

My love is like the high banks that abide 

To house the settlements of hopeful men.

And like those men, I dig my own way out

To channelize my love past fear or doubt.

People Watching

There is a minor pleasure in observing;

In being near, but not quite in, a scene.

For some it may be awkward or unnerving

To worry that their seeing may be seen,

But let it be: let the observed observe.

My watching pleasure needs not to foreclose

Another's. Better--they deserve

The same as I. The pleasure grows

Not from some sense of exclusivity 

But from the knowledge that our world is shared,

That I and they are present equally

Our souls both hidden or perhaps both bared.

I sit and watch the people, and the pleasure

Comes from our shared experience of leisure.

Le Metro

The metro is the city. Take New York:

It never sleeps, although sometimes it should.

Boston's Green Line, modeled on a fork,

Splits like its city lines. Vancouver could

Like all its trees and mountaintops

Survive without a human presence. Broad

Industrial Chicago puts its stops

Where everyone can see them. London's odd

Because it's first, and thinks it did it best;

DC's a grand and new experiment;

The BART a convoluted, sprawling mess;

Seattle's not quite sure what "metro" meant.

And having surveyed this, and rode them all,

I ask: why are there two in Montréal?

Pause

I do not much like waiting. No, not much.

I'd rather run around the block twice--thrice--

(Getting all sweaty, limping, forced to clutch

My aching side) than sit in a nice

And shady bus stop. Let me act and do:

Don't make me pause, no matter if it matters;

The time it takes to catch up and review 

May be important, but leaves me in tatters.

I do not operate in mindful sloth

But run, run, run, so much that I've been mocked

For running when all others would be loath

And for forever going off half-cocked.

I've done the thinking, well before I moved

Now let me go, and let that thought be proved.

ppm

The air is solid, tickling my throat

As it goes down, like taffy when I chew:

It slides and sticks, the sticking makes it coat,

The coating makes the breathing hard to do.

And I am well; I have no normal trouble;

I waste no time on thinking about air.

Imagine those outside my little bubble,

Who live in normal times in need of care,

And think of how their breath is catching short,

How every intake must become a labor

That as it births still threatens to abort

As each half-lung leans hard upon its neighbor

And threaten to collapse because the smoke

Has turned the air now thick enough to choke.

Altijd

When I consider where my life will go

And how I'll choose to occupy my days,

Some things seem so uncertain, like a haze

Hovers between us, so I cannot know

What I'll be like--or how I ought to grow.

Then all at once, descending like the blaze

Of summer suns, you burn away the grays

And I can bask within your evening's glow.

The future would mean nothing without you.

I don't mean that I couldn't live alone

Or that you have to live your life for me

But that when I consider what I'll do

You give it context; like a crystal grown 

Upon a matrix, you're stability.

250*

It has not been 250 years.

A nation, once declared, must still be won

And that accomplished may still be undone

By ignorance and squabbles, hates and fears.

Once signatures are dry, the task appears:

To make them true--not finish what's begun,

But to begin. The war is still to run,

And then the peace, with its own dangers, nears.

Republics are not nearly automatic:

Perhaps, like watches, they too must be wound.

The declaration--grand, intense, emphatic--

Is nothing on its own but words and sound.

But it can be a horologe's schematic:

The grand ideals are still there to be found.

Awkwardness

Sometimes I do not know what I should say;

And yet I'm sure that I speak anyway.

It's often words I do not quite believe 

Or that some social script suggests to me;

The way you speak to those who need to grieve,

Or those who wish impossibility;

How you converse with people you don't know 

And have no urge or need to meet again

But whose approval you still need, and so

You have to be polite to them, just then.

All sorts of conversations must exist

To make this world keep spinning round and round.

I have to have them. I'll just make a list,

And hope to get through each one safe and sound.

Juneteenth Views

The sky is bluer than the flag below it;

The corn is greener than the cash it brings;

The clouds are decoration, and they know it;

The trees a fringe that to the edges clings.

The vision knit together is a wonder:

A countryside unequalled anywhere.

Let nothing that may come rend it asunder;

Let it remain forever whole and fair.

Yet mankind, who has set forth field and tree,

Will also threaten what has been created;

The corn a battlefield may sometime be,

If violence uncaged be not abated,

And bodies may be buried in the soil 

That once spoke to the beauty of our toil.

Amtrak

I really, really want to take the train.

I can't convey through text how desperately:

It scratches certain itches in my brain

To travel distance locomotively.

I have, in other countries, been transported

Across two hundred miles in two hours;

It was a case of see it, say it, sorted:

Yet here it seems forever past our powers.

We would bemoan the distances we cross

And claim it impossible to better;

Yet history reveals such claims are dross:

Our past did not experience this fetter.

I ask a simple question in this rhyme:

Can we not run a goddamn train on time?

Lilacs

No matter where I am or how I feel

No matter if the day was good or bad;

No matter what experience I had,

Or if the world around me seems unreal;

No matter if the sunlight seems to peel

The surface off my eyelids 'til I'm mad;

Or I conceive myself an undergrad

With hair unwhitened and a spine of steel;

No matter how I age or I decay,

No matter how I joy in my delights;

No matter if I struggle every day

Or wander wondering past wondrous sights,

The smell of lilacs, no matter how mild

Will bring me back to when I was a child.

Void

I do not mind the dark. Why should I? What

About the time of sleep and rest should be

A terror? Instead I find, deep in my gut,

A warmth, promoting my serenity.

I do not mind the light; it too is calm,

Not overheated and not overbright:

A source of joy and gladness, and a balm

To my desire to match day to night.

It is the interchange between the two

That makes the whole of my existence sing;

Neither exclusive, both with work to do:

A constant, intermingled, single thing.

Why should I fear the dark, or light? It's neither

That would be terror. I will live with either.

Cows

Assume, if you are able, that a cow

For every purpose of our calculation

Is spherical. Don't worry about how;

This is no matter for your perspiration.

It's merely an assumption we can make

To ease the calculations we must do;

A cow's a sphere; a ball, a point; a rake,

A line. We take them to be such because

The real truth of the friction and the angles

Is not the point of what this physics does:

Reality to often merely mangles

Pure kinematic truth and certainty:

Let life be perfect, cows live spherically.

All Good Gifts

If everything around us is from God

How can we discriminate between them?

The beautiful, the normal, and the odd

As we have lived, and loved, and seen them

Are equally of God; so is the pain,

The awfulness of every worsening day

That presses like a thunderstorm, the drain

Of walking weary under skies of grey.

If all of it is God's, how can we choose?

A holy favor means a holy fault.

The good we gain; the good we also lose

Collectively define divine gestalt.

And yet this does not mean we cannot tell.

It only means we must turn ill to well.

Prop

So many things would fall down without you:

The blanket pile, of course, you're nestled in;

The stack of books you're leaning on, a few

Scattered on top that you meant to begin;

The dog stretched out across your lap, still snoozing,

Her little limbs all flopped in full abandon;

The child beside you, obviously using

Your lap as a support for her to land on

Each time she bounces on the couch's springs;

The house itself, though that's a metaphor;

The very world, which only hums and sings

Because you're in it, I am fairly sure.

I know I'd fall, because, you know, I fell

Long years before: I fall with you as well.

Agit

Let us go then, out into the dark

And let the light within us make it bright.

Let us wander through a shadowed, empty park

Where no one else has dared to pass the night 

Dancing around trees that loom above 

Like silent guardians of the evening's grace

(Their roots sink deep, and show their endless love

For all the plants with whom they share the space).

Let us not resist the lure of going out

Simply because the outside is not home;

Let us push aside all diffidence or doubt

Of what might come when we begin to roam;

Let's imagine that the outside will be sweet

As where we come to rest our weary feet.

Age

Sometimes I want to freeze the world in ice

Like some immense Steve Rogers and exist

Forever in one moment. To throw dice

And never have them land; the morning mist

Still lingering, unburnt by coming day;

The puff of air exhaled before my face

Not yet dispeled; the sky the bluish-grey

Of early morning, when the clouds embrace

The rising sun, but are not yet outclassed.

I think, then, it would be a wondrous thing

If time stood still, and hours never passed

And you and I could couch a while and cling.

But if it had before, how would I see

The laugh lines from you laughing back at me?

Ignore

Pretend, if you would so much humor me,

That everything I tell you is a lie.

Imagine nothing that I've said, that I

Have whispered in the dark of night, to be

At all the truth. Declare the fallacy

Of all confessions I have made. Decry

The falsity of man, in me, and sigh

That nothing good is true. Please don't ask why.

I'd hate to lie again. Just let it go;

Believe this much of me, and think me so,

So we can free ourselves of what I've said.

It's better thus, and better you don't know 

The reasons. I won't jerk you to and fro:

Pretend, and let the past become the dead.

Calendar

There is a chicken on the wall

Shaped out of eggs and I believe

Life seeks for order after all

No matter if it wants to leave.

The plastic of a dinosaur

Was once the real thing, when alive,

Returned to what it was before

So life, it seems, will always strive

To find itself, and recreate 

The shapes and sights of what should be;

The eggs and chicken that we ate

Are joined beyond time's unity.

And so I think someday that I

Will be a person when I die.

Oh It Came O'er My Ear Like The Sweet Sound That Breathes Upon A Bank Of Violets

Long, long ago ago I read, from Harpo Marx,

Of how the Christians' music was so great

That, though their worship we don't celebrate,

We ought to listen--as to meadowlarks

Whose music fill the forest and the parks,

With meanings we don't recognize or rate.

I think he's right; once we disaggregate

The million Jesuses and thousand Harks

There still remain some songs (like Silent Night

His favorite) that speak so to the soul 

That in despite of all theology

They satisfy. A music of such might

It almost serves to elevate the whole

And make a truth out of a heresy.

That Strain Again, It Had A Dying Fall

The past accumulates like autumn leaves

Blown into corners, never quite swept up.

The unforgotten loss a mother grieves;

The old friend who once gifted that red cup;

The fingered leaves of books, now bent and creased,

That show the hours reading and rereading;

The wear on steps (most sturdy where used least);

The little bush that grew when missed in weeding:

They do not haunt the present. They live here

As surely as the people on the street.

Their memory is ready to appear

Whenever circumstances may seem meet:

And when they do, the past, like leaves, will fly 

Out of the corner, blanketing the sky.

And So Die

Everything that's born will someday die

Whether from some external force or power

Or simply reaching its own final hour

When life exhausts, and spirit bids goodbye.

This death is sure; though we may reason why,

Rail endless against it, fight, or cower

In sullen fear within some hidden bower

We cannot change it. Yet we also lie

If we pretend that all things die the same.

The surety of death is no excuse

For making life less than it could have been.

Death promises us nothing but the name:

The quality of dying lies in use

And letting death come badly is the sin.

May Sicken

 Another cough, another cough, another;

It seems as if the whole world were a cough.

And hardly anyone bothers to smother

Their cough within an elbow; they go off

As if their illness couldn't pass by air.

Yet we know better, or we should by now;

We have a common duty, common care.

If there's a way--and yes, we all know how--

You shouldn't spread your sickness to the crowd.

And yet how soon we all forget the way;

How quickly what was once proclaimed out loud

Becomes a whisper, hidden from the day:

Concern for others, once a common cause

Is now considered overreach of laws.

The Appetite

Growth provides momentum all its own

For justifying growth; we grow to grow

And do not cease once we are fully grown,

Metastizing ever onwards so

That we can say we grew. No growth can know

A limit: if you simply stay, you cease

To matter. Nor can growing even slow.

There is no space for any kind of peace,

We only know the power of increase.

Economies of scale, we are assured

Are (to our good) the only axle-grease

And there is nothing that cannot be cured

By growing, growing, growing. It's the answer

For everything. Except, of course, for cancer.

That, Surfeiting

You'll win so much, he said, that you will beg

To lose again. You'll be so sick of winning

That you'd give up your arm--maybe your leg--

To try to bring things back to the beginning.

Well, I'm not sure that this is winning, truly:

Unless you move the goalposts off the field.

I find the government acting so cruelly

Is losing; with the power states can wield

Comes expectation of a common good,

A common benefit, a commonwealth

That works towards what it should, not what it could,

In search of joint prosperity and health.

To use that power for a selfish win

Is not a victory. It is a sin.

Excess Of It

What do I do with all my churning senses?

What is the point of feeling all these feels?

The problem with sensation so immense is

That from each feeling my perception reels.

I cannot disentangle my own being

From all that has impinged on me today;

The world that I'm forever hearing, seeing,

Touching, smelling, tasting has a way

Of overtaking, overwhelming me.

I never am myself alone; I'm more

But what I am's not what I want to be.

It's something bigger, and the stretch is sore.

What can I do? I cannot tell. I wear

And fear that as my senses melt, I'll tear.

Alack And Fie For Shame

A Valentine is just a piece of paper

But so are wills, and mortgages, and deeds.

We think of it as insubstantial vapor--

The kind of thing only a child needs--

But what we write, and who we write it to--

The purpose, execution, and design--

Are powerful, and Valentines are too

(At least if you're consenting to be mine).

Too true, there are conventions in the form

That shape the way we can communicate;

But every kind of writing has a norm

And what we choose within that norm has weight.

I choose to write to you; do you to me?

There's meaning in the reciprocity.

After Blazons

Sometimes my love is like a charged cell phone

That buzzes every time that I am needed; 

Sometimes my love is like a traffic cone: 

Giving direction but, alas, unheeded.

Sometimes my love is asphalt in the sun

Forever burning in the summer heat; 

Sometimes my love is like a Turkey Run:

Cold, up too early, and obsessed with meat. 

Sometimes my love is like a subway train

Running on rails deep in the city's heart;

Sometimes my love is like a coffee stain:

A dirty remnant of an early start.

But though my love may vary day by day

Across these changes, still my love will stay.

Chill

This is the perfect kind of day to sit

And watch the window as the rain drips down,

A cup of cocoa in one hand, a bit

Of yet-uneaten cookie, warm and brown,

Just-dunked above the surface in the other.

This is the kind of day for books and lamps,

The phone put down, the blankets piled to smother,

To warm away the winter's drafts and damps.

I wish I could. I really wish I could.

But no, I must go out into the storm 

And seek another's, rather than my, good:

My bones feel destined never to be warm.

The day's perfection only lives inside,

But I cannot, despite myself, abide.

Frozen

The time for denial is past

If ever such times could endure;

The terrors we suffer can't last

And we all must contribute a cure.

If you cannot see what's before you

Or recognize murder as such

The time has come now to ignore you

Until you've admitted as much.

The eyes of the world will observe us

And we see ourselves and our acts;

Indifference cannot now serve us

The time's here for facing hard facts.

The tyrants in books that we've read

Now work in our cities instead.

Some

There's only so much I can say 

(A thousand sonnets mark this lie)

To tell you why I feel this way

(Or what I feel, before the why).

The sun is not more welcome here

Than is the smile on your face;

And while it only shines when clear

No clouds can darken our embrace.

I use the same words once again

Remixed in patterns barely new

To tell the world--I loved you then

And still continue to love you.

There's limits to what can be said

But love's sole limit's when I'm dead.

Ice

They say the bridge will ice before the road

Because the ground is warmer than the air;

The ground, it seems, is kind enough to care

For those above it. It will bear the load.

The air is free; but freedom can corrode

If it becomes a freedom not to share

Or to consider common goods unfair--

The conman's shield and not the helper's goad.

So air, by flowing fast and wildly free,

Produces ice that makes the bridge unsafe,

And through its motion makes all others' cease;

Its right to move is its security

So duty to another starts to chafe

And its great freedom threatens others' peace.

This Morning With It Brings

The place of peace is not a place of rest.

Peace bubbles up through cracks; it will not be

Slapped on like tape. Peace always seems to crest 

Outside the confines of monotony.

Move; exhale; be part of something more

By stepping out and joining with your friends;

Keep moving on, and then, for an encore

Move yet again. The motion never ends,

For peace is not the target but the path.

It cannot be obtained, or set in stone.

Like all the others--love, or joy, or wrath--

It is not placed within a heart but grown.

To be at peace is to become yourself:

You cannot do it lying on a shelf.